Do I Really Love him?
by Panic at the stress disorder
Summary: Claire realises her feelings for Charlie, but with little Aaron being her priority, she doesn't want a guy in her life. Written in Claires POW. Please read and reveiw!
1. Chapter 1

I was sitting there was Aaron on my lap. He was trying to get to sleep but Jack screaming at Sawyer for one reason or another was keeping us all awake. Aaron started to cry. Charlie heard and walked over to see how I was. I told him I was tired, Aaron hadn't been sleeping well recently. He offered to have him for the night so I could get some sleep. I appreciated the offer but felt bad making him lose sleep instead of me. Aaron was my responsibility, not his.

"No thanks, you need your sleep, you're the one helping build the raft to get us off this island, not me." I replied.

"No, honestly, by the looks of you, you haven't slept properly in days" He insisted.

"Well look why don't you just stay here and if I do fall asleep, then, you can have him for the night. Alright?" I smiled at him.

"Okay then" He smiled back.

We hadn't spoken properly in ages. I had missed our little chats. He told me about how the raft was going. And how he was really getting fed up with being here. I mean we all were, but we told each other what we missed about home, a cup of tea, TV, friends, family. I thought about Aaron's dad. About how much of a mistake he was. How much I regretted ever being with him. I knew being a single mum would be difficult but I wasn't going to get some guy just to play dad to Aaron. I didn't want there to be another guy, not for a while anyway, being a mum would be hard enough without having to keep a guy at the same time. But I had no plans with anyone in the near future anyway.

Turns out Charlie and me had a lot in common, well, we both missed our own beds the most! We stayed up talking for another few hours. Aaron had fallen asleep when Jack had finished screaming at Sawyer. That was another thing that me and /Charlie had in common, we both thought Sawyer was an idiot. We told each other what we thought of the others on the island. Jack, annoying that he was taking control. Ana Lucia, Way too violent, Kate, well she was just Kate.

Eventually Charlie went to his own tent. I slept well that night. Aaron stayed asleep, so did I. The next day I didn't see much of him, he was off doing one thing or another, building a church or something. I've lost count of 'projects' people do on this island, but I suppose people have to do something to keep themselves sane, I'm bring up a child, he's building a church, or a raft, or a giant sign or something.

Anyway, I saw him again that evening. I was speaking to Kate about food when he came along. He asked how I slept that night. I felt slightly embarrassed him asking me this in front of Kate, she soon left us.

"I'll leave you two to it then" She said as she left and winked at me.

I looked at him and smiled in a friendly way.

"Yeah, fine thanks"

"So you want me to take him tonight, don't worry, I'm not going to talk to you all night this time." He said.

"I don't mind, last night was fun". I told him. I hoped he didn't get the wrong idea, and want us to be more than friends. I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had.

We carried on talking to till late that night. I suppose my feelings for him had changed. I began missing him when he wasn't there. I began to start staring deeply into his eyes whilst he was talking to me. But as soon as he left, I came back down to earth. He may be a great guy, but he wasn't what I was looking for. In fact he was just what I didn't want at the moment. He was just some old singer that everyone had forgotten about who had happen to be on the same plane as me when it crashed. I didn't really want anything to do with this man, did I……?


	2. Chapter 2

Anyway, even if I did like him, was I reading all his signals wrong? Did he just want to be friends? It'd been so long since I'd been out with guys, and the last one was a huge mistake. I looked down at Aaron.

"I don't mean it like that, baby." Just then Charlie came over. I wiped a tear away so he wouldn't see I'd been crying.

"Hiya!" He said as he sat down beside me.

He took Aaron off me after giving me a 'is this OK?' look.

He really was great with him. He began rocking Aaron back and forth and he soon fell asleep. Charlie really would make a great dad one day, when he found the right girl. Though I still didn't know if I trusted him, at all, especially with my son.

After Aaron fell asleep, Charlie and I talked for a little bit. About how the raft was getting on and how soon we both thought we'd be off this island. The conversation didn't seem to flow as well as it had the other night. I guessed he had something on his mind. I thought he probably realised I was thinking about other stuff too.

Later on that night, after Charlie had gone back to his camp, I was still sitting by the fire, watching the sea. I thought everyone else was asleep when Kate came along.

"You not asleep either?" She asked me. Apparently I wasn't the only one thinking everyone was asleep.

"Nope" I answered. "How come your not?"

"I had some stuff to sort out" Kate shrugged. Obviously trying to hide from me what she was doing up this late. Oh well, it wasn't like I had something against her being up at this time.

"Anyway, how come your not sleeping? You…haven't fallen out with Charlie, have you?" She asked.

"Me and Charlie were never…" She interrupted me.

"Yeah, but you two could be way more than friends you know!" I thought she was going to carry on but she realised I hadn't actually answered her question.

"I mean, you'd be really good together...If you wanted...". I intirupted her. I know what she meant. I only had to say go and Charlie would be here.

"Mind if I ask what is going on between you to anyway?" Kate asked.

"Sure, but the answers going to be I don't have a clue." I answered.

"You don't have a clue?" She sounded surprised.

"You think if I knew, I'd be sitting here this late by myself?"

"Sorry. I.." She apologised.

"it's OK, I'm sorry" I said. " hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure" Kate answered

"You…you actually think me and Charlie would work?" I asked nervously

"Sure, I mean, don't you?"

"Well, I have Aaron now.." This time she interrupted me

"And you don't know if you want a guy right now?"

"Yeah…."

"Well then, just tell him how you feel, surely he'll understand." Kate told me reassuringly.

"Thanks Kate" I said to her, "I'd best be getting off to sleep now though".

"Ok then, sleep well" She said as she similed at me and walked off to the hatch.


	3. Chapter 3

"Claire!" I turned around to hear Charlie screaming my name

"Hey, what was it I was just on my way to the hatch, Kate has Aaron and –" He cut me off.

"I really need to talk to you Claire." He sounded desperate.

"Umm, ok, wanna walk to the hatch with me then?" I asked, wondering what was so important he needed to tell me.

"No. stay here, Kate won't mind having him for a little longer"

"Ok, Charlie, what is it? Is everything ok?" I was getting increasingly concerned. He paused and looked me with his loving eyes. How could I not want him in my life I thought to myself.

"I just…" He started

"Charlie, what is it?"

"Look, I needed to ask you…" He looked down at his feet. "When we get off this island, you think I'll still be able to come and see you and Aaron?"

"Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?" I asked, not really wanted to answer his question, as that was the exact question that I wanted to know for myself.

"Because I don't want to lose you." He looked into my eyes and I could see tears welling up in his eyes.

I didn't know what to say. The last thing I wanted to do was to promise him he would and then me change my mind.

He looked at me. He could tell something about it was really bothering me. He put his arms around me and tried not to show me his tears.

"Charlie…I…" I still didn't know what I was about to say, but I _needed_ him. He looked back at me.

"Charlie" I smiled at him. "You really thought I'd leave you when we get off this place?"

He hugged me. "good" He said and winked at me, "You want me to walk you to the hatch now?"

"Sure thing". I smiled back at him. I was happy, don't get me wrong, I think I love this guy. But, it wasn't like just because I did, I was going to stay with him, Not that we were together anyway….were we?


	4. Chapter 4

"I'll be back in a minute babe, I just need to pass on a message to Jack" Charlie said to me as he kissed me on the cheek and walked back to the beach. I carried on walking towards the hatch. When I got there Jack was sitting by the computer, talking to Kate who had Aaron in his arms. I walked over to Kate.

"Thanks a lot Kate, and Jack, Charlie went looking for you, he has a message to give you or something, he thinks your back at the beach, just though I'd let you know."

"Well, I'll go find him if you two don't mind watching the computer?"

"Sure" Kate shrugged.

Jack smiled at me as he left to the beach.

"So how's it going with you and Charlie then, after the other day….?" Kate asked me

"He asked me if he'd still see me when we got of the island"

"Oh…and you said what?" She asked me. I sighed and tried not to cry.

"I said he would." I paused. "But I don't know if it's what I want"

"Look. I know I don't normally go all…fate obsessed…but I mean, the island made you keep Aaron, and now you wouldn't change him for the world, now, would you?"

"No, but I don't see what that's got to do with Charlie" I said, confused.

"Maybe, the island is making it, so that your meant to be with Charlie, and maybe you 3 are supposed to be together, a family…" She then realised how farfetched that sounded. Maybe the island was getting to her too.

"Maybe…" I thought out loud. She had a point, having Locke on the island had made everyone believe that the island had power. But do I want what fate wants? Why was I even thinking that, the island couldn't _want_ anything? It's a place! Only I could know what's best for my son, and that wasn't Charlie! Aaron was my priority, why was I even thinking about a man in my life. I was so confused.

Just as I was thinking that, Jack and Charlie walked into the room, talking together. Charlie looked at me and smiled. As soon as I saw him I remembered why I was choosing him. He was perfect.

"You've been here the entire time?" He asked me.

"Yeah, but I mean you only went 5 mins ago, didn't you?"

"Well you've been sitting down on that chair for ages, day dreaming haven't you?" Kate interrupted.

"You feeling ok Claire? You look quite pale actually" Jack said, turning back into the caring doctor that everyone knew so well.

"I'm fine. I didn't even realise I was daydreaming" I said, but as soon as the words left my mouth I felt really dizzy. "Well everything is slightly blurry and…."

"She's passed out!" I heard Jack scream before everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

I know this is going really slowly, and I'm sorry! I decided to put disclaimers on my fics…it was getting a bit late: I do not own lost (Heh, I wish), or any of the characters from it (or this would be called reality ) Enjoy! Ninja Summoner

I woke up on the bed in the hatch with Charlie watching over me.

"Charlie?" I tried to say but couldn't seem to move my mouth. I tried lifting my arm, but it felt so heavy. I tried moving my head to see around me, but I couldn't move. I heard Jack's voice.

"How's the she doing Charlie?" I began worrying, what the hell happened to me? Why couldn't I move?

"Still nothing. You think she'll be ok?" Charlie asked jack. I tried moving so I could see jacks face, but again, couldn't.

"I don't know Charlie, after all, I'm only a spinal surgeon. I've never dealt with something like this before." I just wanted to scream out that I was there, and that I could hear them.

Then panic flowed over me, where was Aaron? Charlie didn't have him. Did Kate? Where was Kate if she did? Was she there when I collapsed? Was Aaron with her? I couldn't remember much about when it happened. But I wanted to see Aaron. I _needed_ to see Aaron. I automatically blamed the island for this. Maybe Kate was right. If me Aaron and Charlie were supposed to be together, and I didn't want to, maybe this was its way of punishing me. What if Aaron was sick? What if he was going though the same paralysis as me? No one would know. He's only a baby!

I tried to calm myself down. Maybe then I'd be able to move. I tried breathing in deeply. I concentrated on relaxing. Then I heard jack shut the hatch door behind him. Charlie put his hand on my face. I looked up at him, which was all I could really do.

"Claire. What's happened to you?" He wiped a tear of his face.

"I know you can't hear me now, but I promise you, as soon as you wake up. I'll tell you everything. The drugs, there over." He paused. And pushed some hair out of my face.

"Your beautiful Claire. Please don't leave me, not now. What about Aaron?" My heart leapt, where is he? Charlie tell me, is he ok? I willed him to tell me. But he carried on.

"He needs a mum. More than I need you, and you know I would _die_ for you." He stopped.

Charlie, don't stop talking. I thought to myself. I _need_ you too. Maybe the island is right, maybe we are supposed to be together. Or maybe as soon as I get out of this…coma… or whatever it was, maybe then, I would change my mind. I just need Aaron, here, now.


End file.
